The story of my friday night on the 17th of Feb, 2012.
To warm up I usually ask random people for the time or directions to somewhere and if I can get a short discussion out of it I go for it. The more attractive I find the woman the harder it is to decide to make the approach, I usually do one of these followed by asking one person, or a group of people, what three of their first impressions of me are.
On this friday I walked down Granville street and do my warm up while at the same time encouraging the two guys with me to ask certain people for the time, Filip calls this game “go,”, which fits great.
On one of my “3 opinion” approaches I had my first real blow off, hurrah!
As I saw these two pretty girls walking towards me who were obviously headed out clubbing, I said “hey” loud enough for them to clearly hear it but I waited until they were about 5 feet in front of me. When I stopped, with all my weight on my back foot and a little out of their path of course, I made sure I had eye contact and started in quickly with “what’s the first three things you think of when you see me?”
This immediately brought a look to the blonde’s face that pretty clearly indicated she had no interest in humouring me and turned back to walk after her friend without even slowing down or saying anything.
At this point I believe I said “Or walk away, that works too.” Not my finest hour. Hahaha
Now, her negative reaction could be because she was approached several times already on Granville, had a shitty day, just broke up with her boyfriend, had just dropped an ice cream at mcdonalds, who wouldn’t be annoyed at those things?
All I can control and analyze is my actions. I believe my problems were simple but major. Saying “hey” to get her attention only 5 feet from me while we were both walking at a medium pace doesn’t give her a lot of time to react and check to see how confident I am in interrupting her walk. Also by not letting her stop after I had eye contact with her and before I started talking again I think I seemed over eager and therefore less confident.
First thing to think of when you’re about to approach someone, “Slow down.”
As I was walking by Adrenaline tattoo and clothing I saw a very cute, kind of short, blonde girl inside and decided to go in to a) say hi to her and hopefully make a direct approach and b) see if I could find a new belt and buckle that would be a little more interesting than what I had.
Once inside I approached her but chickened out of the direct approach and instead asked her to show me some belt buckles, we had a great little discussion about music as I’m in a band and she’s in school for music business. During discussion I failed to show interest sexually or put myself out there and I believe this put me in the “friend zone” at best within the first minute of us talking. After I bought my belt and buckle I tried to correct by going direct, I said “the real reason I came in here was because I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi.” She seemed flattered, I asked for her phone number so that I could give her some comments on the music she was recommending I check out but she said she doesn’t check her texts so i should facebook her. Of course her facebook account is hidden so I can’t add her, oh well maybe I will get to connect with her on another visit down there.
Again, I didn’t put myself out there and was quickly categorized as an interesting customer or possibly a friend. On the plus side, I attempted to “qualify” her by saying I appreciated her opinions on music, but disagreed with a few of them openly.
Later at the Cellar, down one wingman, I saw a very cute, thin, dark skinned girl standing with what looked like her friends in a sort of no-mans-land between the bar and dance floor. I walked up to her and asked
Me: ‘“What kind of business meeting she was there for and what do you do?”
Her: “I’m a prostitute”
Me: “Oh awesome, do you enjoy it?”
Her: “I love it!”
Me: “Well great, that sounds like an awesome job”
Her: “I’m not really a prostitute”
Me: “I know. What do you do?”
Her: “I’m a med student”
Right around this point is when “white shirt guy” joins the show. She’s involved in the conversation with me, she’s laughing, she’s turned towards me and she’s even leaning in to hear what I have to say more clearly. White shirt guy is standing on her other side and says :
WSG: “Who the fuck is this guy?”
Me: “Is that your boyfriend?”
Her: “No, I don’t even know him”
WSG: “I’m going to have to fucking smash this guy!”
Now was my most confident moment of the night. I pretty quickly realized that this guy was standing near her because he was waiting to get the confidence, or some kind of situational topic, to talk to her and since I had beaten him to it he was now standing by as I actually gained interest from her. Without even looking at him I continued to ask her what she did for fun, what made her want to be a med student, etc, while sharing stories that related to her answers from my own life. A minute or two later I decided I would find my wingman and see how he was doing, I promised to catch up with her later.
Lesson from this, don’t let other people affect your mood or mess up your confidence. I deserve the interest of others and won’t apologize for interacting with people I’m interested in and improving their day in some way.
I then convinced two girls studying to be librarians that I was a male stripper at a club like Brandi’s called Brandon’s. I think one of them still believes that. That was me practicing my high status humor. If something is funny to me and I can continue to make it more and more unbelievable without them figuring out that I’m joking, all the funnier!
Also with the librarians, one of them with whom I had generated good attraction and rapport dragged me out onto the dance floor when LMFAO’s Sexy and I Know It came on. I actually danced without feeling incredibly self conscious, good times.
Lesson from dancing: Nobody is watching you dance, they’re all too busy thinking about what people think of their dancing.
Last fun observation of the night was near the bar, there were two girls seperated by one guy who was obviously hitting on the one on the right. Her friend, on the left, was obviously bored and checking her phone facing away from her friend and the first guy. I decided I would go try to cheer her up with some fun conversation and act as the guy’s wingman at the same time.
Before I could get to her another guy had slid his way up to the bar who was wearing, I shit you not, a black feather boa and… I believe a fedora with his white collared shirt and silver chain showing.
Me: “Hey man, is that a feather boa?”
Him: “Yeah, it’s called pea-cocked!”
Me: “Oh, I know. It seems a little ‘mysterious’ if you know what I mean.” nudge nudge with the elbow
Him: “Haha, yeah man.”
That’s when I walked away laughing.
I came back a few minutes later and he was gone. I asked the girls about it.
Me: “Hey, was that guy hitting on you like… Really hard?”
Girl1: “Yeah, but we kind of thought he was gay.”
Lesson I took away from this… Only peacock or wear loud clothing if you have the personality to back it up and ideally maybe a few friends with you so you don’t seem like such a shark.
Maybe it’s a bit low status of me to joke about another guy’s style, but he didn’t seem to improve the night for those girls so it turns out I learned a few things from his mistakes as well as mine that night.